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“How do I deal with a friendship breakup at uni?”
Nobody really talks about friendship breakups, but they can hurt just as much as relationship ones, sometimes even more. At uni especially, it can feel even harder when you share a residence, a class or the same friend group. We have both experienced this, and we know how difficult it can be to shift your mindset.
If you’re going through one right now, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you did something wrong!
Friendships change as people grow up, and uni is a time when everyone is changing a lot.
Here are three things to remember:
1) It’s okay to be sad: Losing a friend is a real loss, and you’re allowed to feel it.
2) Not every friendship ends with a big fight: Some just drift apart, and that’s normal too.
3) It doesn’t define your uni experience: There are so many people still to meet!
We’ve put together what’s helped us below.
Don’t pretend you’re fine if you’re really not. Sometimes you just need to cry it out! But make sure to talk to someone you trust, as gaining an outside perspective can always give you a better understanding of what might of happened. Also, write your feelings down! It might seem silly, but just getting all of your thoughts and emotions down on a piece of paper is actually really helpful - but don't worry, you don't need to show it to anyone!
Also, give yourself some grace and time before deciding what to do, or how you really feel about it all.
When you’re upset and hurt, it’s totally natural to want to vent to everyone, but try to keep it to one or two people you really trust. Telling a whole friend group, or posting about it always makes things more awkward for everyone.
Don’t ask other people to pick sides either. Your mutual friends can still be friends with you both, and taking the high road now will make the next few months much easier!
No matter how big or small your uni is, you are quite likely bump into them - whether it’s on your floor, in a lecture, or at a party. You don’t have to act like nothing happened, but a quick smile, or “hi” keeps things from getting awkward.
And if you feel like there are things left unsaid, an honest, calm chat can help you both find some closure, even if you don’t end up friends again.
Try and lean into the friendships that make you feel happy and supported - those are the ones that you should invest your time and energy into! It’s also the perfect time to try something new - like joining a club, going to a floor event, or starting a study group. Some of Josie & Karli's closest friends have been made this way!
And don’t forget your friends and family from home. Sometimes a call with someone who’s known you forever is exactly what you need!
f it’s weighing on you a lot, starting to affect your sleep, your studying, or your mood, you don’t have to deal with it alone. Most universities offer free counselling for students, so check your student wellness or health centre to see how to book! But please remember, you are not alone in this.
If you’re in Ontario, you can also call or text Good2Talk (1-866-925-5454), a free and confidential helpline for post-secondary students that’s open 24/7.
If you go to Queen’s like us, you can book counselling through Student Wellness Services.
take it from me...
Not every friendship is meant to last forever, and that’s completely okay. Losing a friend doesn’t necessarily mean you did anything wrong, sometimes people just grow in different directions, and it makes space for friendships that fit who you’re becoming!